ROUND 2!
It would have been clever of me to have presented you with a countdown of treatments for New Year's Eve but I guess I wasn't that quick. Anyway, here's the deal: In total I will have 16 treatments and now there are 2 down, 14 to go. But who's counting?
I join you once again from the delta quadrant, or maybe from the time zone of the Bermuda triangle, the place where time stands still. Round 2 was still very weird but not as severe this go-round, at least not on my tummy. Best of all, I've had a coffee reprieve. I can now drink it without fear. The fatigue does make you feel like you're on drugs for sure. And the drugs make you feel like you're on drugs, too. But all in all, it was way easier to tolerate than last time and I'm already on the bounce side of the bad days. Today I had an especially odd take on the world since it was a gorgeous day and too warm to wear a hat - yes, my hair is now liberating itself from my head (more to come on that). So I went for a sleepwalk on the Crescent Trail and I faced my first moments of multiple anonymous onlookers, wondering if I have cancer or if I'm just a skin head jogger. Actually, I didn't jog today since I'm a bit pooped for it just now. Though I think I'll be able to tomorrow. Anyway, the day is so brilliant that it's hard to take any other way, so the staring people really just became like a weird ambient image track along the journey. I am surviving the questioning eyes. Also, because it was such a nice day, other people were going about their business, like spraying chemicals to get rid of invasive plant species. Although I was delighted to see this happen on my precious trail, the smell was terrible and even a bit creepy to me. I had to hold my breath walking along while bikers and hispanic men passed me by with curious looks on their faces which lasted too long. I felt sorry for the hispanic men who had to breath that stink all day. Ok, so Kyle thinks I was just imagining the looks and he's probably right.
Visuals
So this time for your viewing pleasure, I've prepared a few imges of my hair or lack there of, and also of the infusion room - hope this isn't too creepy for you.
I visited the infusion room last Wed (same day as my hair started to go in a big way). I feel there are quite a few little gems in the infusion room, the first of which is the curtains. Yes, it's just basically a hospital room with a couple of lazyboys in it but the curtains are tre chick! The moire pattern will be indelibly etched in my mind's eye forever forward.
Next is a pic of the random items posted on the bulletin board, a cross just in case, and my favorite signs showing pain levels with smiley faces and clean up rules.
Also depicted is the "Borg Queen" - the machine that controls the drip into my body. She may not look like much but she is all powerful.
Last in the infusion room are of the Adriomiacine "shots" which must be manually infused by the gloved but loving Mercedes (not pictured above her hands) and a couple pics of me being infused.
Notice I get some pleasure in the contrast I have myself provided with my own wardrobe, to the situation at hand. By this I mean that I think I'm hilarious because I chose to wear my Baltimore Half Marathon T-shirt under my regular clothes like some kind of secret superhero undergarments. Is it confirmation that I am Superman or Wonderwomen? Whadevah! Did I mention that the insurance nurse told me a possible side effect is that I may go to a chemo session and leave not remembering I'd ever been there? Good thing I'm documenting, huh? Or maybe that's just another superpower. I'll leave it for the time-being.
The Hair Report
So later that night, or maybe the next, I had decided I didn't want to go "out" to get my haircut at all. I decided that Lil and Lu would be so bummed if they were not included. So I enlisted theirs and Kyle's help to do the deed.
Lucy was on hair collection duty and armed herself with a big zip lock baggie, in which my hair now persists. Lily really liked the kitchen scissors and Kyle liked the buzz clippers. I have to tell you, it was a lot of fun to do it this way. My family got into it and made it a happy memory for me. Kyle had never cut any one's hair before and showed the requisite careful attention to detail even though I assured him it wouldn't matter if he made a boo boo. He really wanted to make me look good. So I still have some hair but it is fading fast now. That's fine. I really haven't been that uncomfortable with my new look and my mother is knitting madly. My mother has been also been spreading thanks to ever doctor and nurse I know, one scarf at a time like Johnny Apple Seed or something. Let's hear it for Mom! When the weather gets cold again I'll be so happy for the hats, I already know since my head has been cold. Kyle, from Chicago, thinks I'm a wimp.
MINUTE (pronounced "my-neut") BOOK REVIEWS
* = rating system, 5* is best, (*) = qualified review meaning not for all
*(***)STAR TREK the Next Generation: BEFORE DISHONOR, by who cares
Even though I read some really good books to start, I found myself in Barnes and Noble a couple weeks ago, just after I last wrote; I found myself face to face with the Borg and resistance was futile. So I bought a Star Trek book that I won't even bother to tell you the plot of but it was really terrific and very satisfying. Maybe it will even put an end to my obsession with this analogy, for your sakes. I was planning to ask if anyone wanted it now so I could "out" other trekkies in my midst, but my sister then outed her own husband and claimed it for him. I'll just say this about the book, if you liked the show, you'll love this. If you never saw the show, then sorry to bore you with this review.
Favorite line in the book: "Captain Janeway's eyes widened as the ship drew nearer the Borg cube, hanging in space like a great floating cancer. She gulped deeply."
*****The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid, by Bill Bryson
As I mentioned before, I LOOOOVED this book, even more than I loved his last book. The guy is really a solid writer who kept me laughing. I listened to it on ipod and his voice was wonderful too. He gives an interview at the end of the book where he explains that his own childhood experiences were really just an excuse to write about childhood in general and his memories of all the places, while accurate, were really just a medium for the expression of how intense it is to be a kid. Anyone could relate to the feelings described, like how it feels to discover that grown-ups don't know what the hell they are doing, or obsessions with particular candies or even uncontrollable compulsions to do stupid things. The best part is that he somehow does this minus parody. He also peppers the book with real Americana headlines from back in the day. This provides a great devise that brings different themes together. Read it. You'll love it. I don't care who you are.
Favorite Part: He, age 13, and his 2 very destructive friends play a game at night in one of their bedrooms where you sit in the pitch black in separate corners of the room, and strike a stick match and then fling it in the direction you think your friend is sitting (of course you can move, too) attempting to light the kid's hair on fire. Every time you light a match, though, you give away your own location. Can't you see Kyle playing this as a little kid? You can imagine what happened next.
*****Me Talk Pretty One Day & Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, by David Sedaris
I read/listened to both these books one after another and I really enjoyed each, although they may as well have been the same book, actually. These books and the BB ones I've read have been influencing the writing of these email in a big bad way. Reading them has encouraged me to divulge things maybe you don't even want to hear about, minute details of my own life that you don't often speak of unless you're on drugs. Anyway, SD talks about his family and other close relationships in such a funny and sardonic way. I'm not sure everyone could take his black humor since it's really very black, but I'm confident the Tough Allies could handle it.
Part Most Relevant to My Own Life: SD tells how during his insomnia, he develops long scenarios about himself, possibly in some alternate universe, into "epic daydreams" that he can continue to build upon night after night crafting every tiny detail into the wee hours. He mentions that he's thinking of making a little jacket for his clock radio so that he doesn't have to watch the numbers "flap".
Coming soon: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, by Mark Haddon
THANK YOU, KYLE
So now we've again fallen into our old (but modified) school day routine, which is familiar, comforting and easy. Kyle and I used to both get up earlier than Lil and Lu, giving us a jump on the day making preparations for ourselves and them. Now Kyle wakes alone to do this letting me grab an extra hour in the morning and I get up with the kids. He NEVER complains or acts put upon even though it causes him to miss out on the early morning run window. Well, I just have to thank him for doing this thankless job. It's a fine line between selfish sleep and recovery sleep, and often quite blurry. So I'd like to dedicate this next song to him: Let's Active's Living on the Blue Line. Sadly you only get a sample of this song it's so old.
Gardener's Notebook
Yet another thank you goes to Kyle for my favorite Xmas present, a Squirrel-shaped watering can. Check it out.
I'm so Lucky
The numbers do not escape me in the least that. In the time warp, I get to have the bonus inner eye that allows me to notice the cosmic magnitude of what I am living through and I feel extremely lucky to have you all as my friends, flickr or no. Having cancer has forced me to slow down and have conversations and interactions with you that I might never have had and they are very invigorating. So if you are somehow still wondering if you are doing enough for me, stop wondering. I don't really deserve all this attention but I appreciate it. There are so many people in the world who have it so much worse than just loosing some hair and sleep. It makes me wonder about the numbers further. How many other people in the world are living this same lucky scenario? Hopefully it's an immense number, "Billions and billions" as the late great Carl Sagan would say. But just in case, thanks for caring. I want to end with a tagline "quote" I found in an ad in my gardening magazine, (Jim, my friend and copywirter, you will love this!), "It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances." Looking closer at the ad I see that the quote is actually from Oscar Wilde, how great is that?
Ok, so does anyone know a good piano tuner or want to buy some Girl Scout cookies?
a
2 comments:
Adele, I am honored to be the first to post a comment, or rather, an expression of amazement at how clear headed you are in spite of chemo! Your writings are so accurate, and so "you" - straight forward, matter of fact, down to earth, and positive. I just published a book of poetry called "Glances at Time" and it is similar in theme, yet very different in tone, mostly due to the fact that I became depressed and had to write through that. But your comments about "time" are exactly the reason I chose the title for my book. Time slows down when you go through chemo, and you'd never know how life looks from there unless you were forced to look. I am sorry you have joined the numbers, as you say, but in fact, you are as much you and as little a part of the group as you chose to be. I will give you my book when you are ready, but certainly, I use words to draw what happened, as you use pencils or take pictures, you are so visual. You need to put a picture of Kyle on the blog! It is in some ways harder on the husbands. More later, XO
Lisa
Hi Lisa,
I is I, who am honored. There are really only 4 women who I would trust to get the real inside scoop from, you, Dana, Erica and Maura, though you don't know them. I had such difficulty talking to anyone at first. I really didn't want to get input from anyone who was going to bring me down, especially other cancer former cancer patients. I was so lucky my sister offered to speak to you and even luckier that you were willing to give her such specific insights. You were so right about all the area doctors an Dr. Isaacs in particular. I really have to thank you publicly. You are a friend of high order and I will always be delighted to be connected to you in numbers and words. I can't wait to read your book. Hope I'll see you soon.
a
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