1/31/2009 Upside Down Smilies
So Wednesday, I had my "exchange". Ok, I just took a shower and a look at the "girls". They do feel softer and more normal, if that's possible. It's still quite weird, I should tell you. Far from the glamor girl idea. My chest muscles are strung like tight seat beats under my arms but it is a bit looser in general. I'm so glad to be rid of my port. It's been there so long now, looking down makes me feel like I'm missing something. It hurts a little but not too badly. The port hole seems like the worst incision. I get little waves of nausia every now and then each day and not certain if it's pain or the meds. Right now Kyle and the kids are at the ice skating rink. I wish I could go. I LOVE to skate. But I was also looking forward to having my own quiet freedom to explore my body again. It's good to be clean. The plastic surgeon markings are now vanished down the drain. I finished another Sci Fi novel today. Childhood's End. I feel sometimes these days I'm not productive enough and it makes me a bit sad again but i'm pretty sure i can turn it around if i just acknowledge this then ignore it immediately. I don't want anyone to know, so if you're still reading this blog, no need to mention it. I see that I have "0" followers so that is a kinda relief that I'm free to speak freely. I need an place to experiment. I want people to think I'm upbeat and happy all the time. I need to be a positive life force. Ok, this is getting way too personal, but it's quite nice to have an outlet, actually. I can seek solace. right now i feel like rejecting capital letters. this also gives me a little form of rebellion and a sense of my self. ok. i wish i had a way with words.
the hot flashes are still driving me crazy. i'm rediculously temperature sensitive. i can't wear clothes that don't breath. upsidedown smilies refernces the scars on the front of my boobs, if you think about it. also, check out the hair - it's unruley.
gone to the ice rink
my house isnt silent
when those little people are away
their renegade echoes create chaos
and glee
when theres no one here
but we
a little hole in my neck
look closely
you can see it's mouth on my left
they removed the tube
but can't retrieve the incision
it will always be there
a divit
a cavity
but forever closed
what can it be hiding?
ok, so it was a first try. i don't want to get all mushy but i need a little minor art project, poetry seems like fun. i think i can continue this later...
