invisible crab, invisible claw
the silliest thing I ever saw

or didn't see, I should say
for when you're walking by the bay
be careful not to tread on A
invisible crab, invisible claw

By lily o'dowd

scaling nature

scaling nature

once upon a time last week
we were Lilliputians
living in a wood primeval
nomad free, beyond the burb

looked around and looked around
the forest was alive with sound
a broken tree, fell gently down
she said she cracked a year ago

sssh, did you just hear a bark?
good, they've gone the other way
hidden in divergent wood
we have left behind no trace

now we're scouting for a camp
we must, somehow, scale the rocks
luckily, we're mountain climbers
[sometimes we are flying squirrels]

"68", the wind is saying,
"is the Perrrrrfect temperature!"
the pines agree, with whispering needles,
snakeskin trees have seen their shadows

birds and mud have wandered by us
now more trees are passing, slow
light floats down from branching sky
long, have we been roaming here

let's relax on "Lichen Bench"
we could make this our base camp
shaded by the cinnamon ferns
set out tea for our return

THIS glen has belonged to us
our dominion, marked with rust
subtle green with peeling paint
proves we lived here long ago

how i feel after talking to doctors

i want to cut straight through the bullshit
and eat my heart from the middle

maybe that explains my attraction
to mean streaked people. they answer a riddle.

there's no question in their minds
their confidence, a surgical frown

i so admire the skill with which
they carve the red stuff from the brown

i'm not like that, i'm not like that


i take the doctor at HIS word
the best of them are only human

but, why do i continue to wallow
in conversation sans trails to follow

wallowing's for pansies! WALLOWING'S FOR PANSIES!!!


why do doctors say so little
how to communicate with alien species?

and now i'm stranded here upon the moon
an ice bacterium of paranoia

i hardly recognize myself, i hardly recognize myself


but i have proof of survival skills
i 'm not imaging my scars

the pain is not a fantom friend
its dull and dumb but real

are you telling me to forget it?
i can't see through the bullshit

Cursive branches scratching stitches into the sky, into thin air
This is me
Searching for the center point
And finding slim pickins for concrete
that's why
Patterns in the hardscape facinate me
Can't help staring at my toes and a fallen sassafras leaf
I may yet, regain my tensile strength
If not my grounding

she was right, it helps

cherry blossoms
2007.2.25　まつだ桜まつり
神奈川県足柄上郡松田町の早咲き桜（河津桜）

she was right, it helps

i feed the birds and hope they speak to Lisa F
and tell her i can't read her poems yet
but with super vision needle eyes
i'll be writing some for her

i can see the words, though scratch was not my thing
but just found out and glad i didn't know
that anybody can become
like her

i live and run to a cherry blossom goal
and, it is personal and painful
glad the birds and words
will keep her everpresent

i want her to hear what i have to say
want her to know, she showed me
a way to plant more trees
and roots, mighty Lisa F

1/31/2009 Upside Down Smilies

1/31/2009 Upside Down Smilies

So Wednesday, I had my "exchange". Ok, I just took a shower and a look at the "girls". They do feel softer and more normal, if that's possible. It's still quite weird, I should tell you. Far from the glamor girl idea. My chest muscles are strung like tight seat beats under my arms but it is a bit looser in general. I'm so glad to be rid of my port. It's been there so long now, looking down makes me feel like I'm missing something. It hurts a little but not too badly. The port hole seems like the worst incision. I get little waves of nausia every now and then each day and not certain if it's pain or the meds. Right now Kyle and the kids are at the ice skating rink. I wish I could go. I LOVE to skate. But I was also looking forward to having my own quiet freedom to explore my body again. It's good to be clean. The plastic surgeon markings are now vanished down the drain. I finished another Sci Fi novel today. Childhood's End. I feel sometimes these days I'm not productive enough and it makes me a bit sad again but i'm pretty sure i can turn it around if i just acknowledge this then ignore it immediately. I don't want anyone to know, so if you're still reading this blog, no need to mention it. I see that I have "0" followers so that is a kinda relief that I'm free to speak freely. I need an place to experiment. I want people to think I'm upbeat and happy all the time. I need to be a positive life force. Ok, this is getting way too personal, but it's quite nice to have an outlet, actually. I can seek solace. right now i feel like rejecting capital letters. this also gives me a little form of rebellion and a sense of my self. ok. i wish i had a way with words.

the hot flashes are still driving me crazy. i'm rediculously temperature sensitive. i can't wear clothes that don't breath. upsidedown smilies refernces the scars on the front of my boobs, if you think about it. also, check out the hair - it's unruley.

gone to the ice rink
my house isnt silent
when those little people are away
their renegade echoes create chaos
and glee
when theres no one here
but we

a little hole in my neck
look closely
you can see it's mouth on my left
they removed the tube
but can't retrieve the incision
it will always be there
a divit
a cavity
but forever closed
what can it be hiding?

ok, so it was a first try. i don't want to get all mushy but i need a little minor art project, poetry seems like fun. i think i can continue this later...